The Spirit of Suicide

What do you do when anxiety strikes? That deep pit in your stomach that lies to you and tells you everything is going to go WRONG. That you are defeated and IT has won. As it’s whispers get louder and it’s lies get colder. How do you react? What do you do? Do you hide? Do you medicate? Do you over shop? Or Do you just BE. Be with Him in the quiet wake. Be with Him in the dead of the night. Just BE.

If you had told me a year ago that I would still be fighting, still be twirling and still be powerless at times…I would have never made it. I couldn’t have. I couldn’t comprehend that far. Never in my life could I understand why someone would take their own life, but I would be lying if I told you that in my darkest moments that I didn’t. I could be embarrassed and choose to hide or hold my head up high and say I have lived to see another day. I WON! WE won! This was not a standalone effort. This was an all out war. I had to pull my head out of my ass and let go of my pride. I HAD to rely on others. I HAD to not lie anymore. I HAD to share my burden because I couldn’t carry it alone. I HAD to say I can’t do this on my own.

What will you do? Who will you choose to be? And whose will you be? You can’t do this on your own and you weren’t meant to stand alone. You were meant to have roots, that withstand the strongest storm. You were meant to do this in community. Don’t be selfish! That’s right I said it! Don’t be selfish to think that this is your burden and yours alone. It wasn’t meant to be. That’s when the spirit of suicide sneaks in and makes a home with you, in your pit of despair. He finds a foothold, but you don’t have to let him climb. Throw pebbles at his feet and slow his movement. He does not have the courage or resilience that resides inside YOU! For he works alone and YOU work in community.

Share your story, share your heart and never be embarrassed of your journey. For it is yours alone, but meant to change the world around you. ❤️

The Armor of God

 

Depression. What does it feel like? What is it? I always describe it as a dark abyss….a sea of nothingness.  Where you are aware of everything around you and nothing at all. Where you feel the earth pressing down on you, but you feel so empty. When you can’t differentiate up from down or left from right.  It just happens…sets in and makes a home.  But Why? Why does it find it’s way into our hearts and why do we give it a space to call home? I’ll tell you why, because it’s finds a crack….a hole…a chink in our armor and let’s itself in.  We let our defenses down and in it comes.  So what do we do? In the darkest of dark I would pray Ephesians 6:17 over and over again. I would imagine myself putting on my armor and getting ready for battle. It would try and cover myself in so much holy spirit, that hopefully nothing else would get in. The truth is…sometimes it does get in.  Does this mean that we are not full enough of God and we have room left in our hearts? Absolutely not! Often in warfare the battle wages in waves of wins and losses.  It doesn’t always have an epic finale when we want it to.  Often, we are at war for a reason and sometimes the war is getting us ready for a revolution.  The revolution of ourselves, our families and life yet to come.  So why do we often wave the white flag and give up? I’ll tell you why.  I have stood with my toes on the edge of insanity….wiggling….face looking over into the abyss and thinking that I had come to the end.  I’ve been there! I have walked through the valley and I hate to tell you this….I’ve walked through it more then once.

In my darkest times I prayed for instant healing! To be one of those that God miraculously touches instantly.  I wasn’t though and I’m still not.  I still have a revolution going on inside of me and I know the battle isn’t over yet.  I have a call to rally those around me to pick up their swords and fight the battle that wages in the depths of their souls. To unite our inequities and fight together for the peace of our souls.  TO NOT hide within the shadows in fear and shame, but to stand proud and united in HIM.  To not lower our heads in embarrassment, but to stand proud and declare that I am WONDERFULLY and BEAUTIFULLY MADE! So are you! You are not defected or broken…you are just a mosaic of beautifully shining broken glass.  The TRUE artist knows what you are supposed to look like, but to the human eye you look broken, ugly, torn and bedraggled.  HE however did not create you to look this way, HE created you for great and mighty things. To declare your battle cry and trample over the lies that enemy has fostered in your heart for TOO long! Don’t let him make a home in the shallows of the abyss because though you feel alone, he is waiting to take up partnership with you.  He is waiting for you to bring down the castle drawbridge and lower your gates.

Often, our gates get lowered by life. What does that even mean? We get so caught up in the hustle and bustle that we lose sight of US and of HIM.  That’s why in battle we often have to lose ourselves, in order to find ourselves.  We have to be beaten and bedraggled…in order to be reborn and remade.  Battle wasn’t meant to be easy, but it is what wins wars.  So don’t stand behind the castle walls waiting for the battle to stop…it’s time to take up arms and fight.  Take up your sword, put on your helmet, and hold up your shield.  This battle does not determine who is going to win the war, but who will win the revolution for your soul.  Don’t lose sight of your fellow comrades that are fighting along side of you, because everyone has a battle that they are waging.  Stand side by side with them, because two swords are better then one.  “If you want to run fast, run alone.  If you want to run far, run together (African proverb).”

Who will you take up arms with? Who will you stop to pick up? Who will you save from the depths of Hell? Now as I am writing this, I know that some of you are in a time of pause or rest.  You aren’t meant to gather the troops yet, because you are still working on your armor.  You are crafting your sword and making it from the strongest metal.  You are not ready for a revolution because your battle has not begun. You have not gathered your quiver of arrows for battle! BUT! For those of us who are ready…we MUST fight together! WE MUST trust in our fellow comrades and WE MUST not fight alone! When an animal hunts it singles out the weakest of the herd and tries to get it away from it’s protection.  Let that not be you! Don’t single yourself out and run from your protection! Clasp together and form a bond that cannot be broken! “For two are better then one!”

 

Getting Rid of the “Shoulds”

Image result for seize the day dead poets society quote

 

 

As I sit here I am squished between a toddler and a hesitant dachshund.  It makes me realize how important it is to appreciate the moments we have in life and not look towards the next best thing.  Often we get caught in the if only, next time and the I will do this when moments in life.  We don’t realize that in order to live our best life, we need to do it right now. We cannot wait for the next chapter to turn, because each page of a book makes it worth reading.  We need to harness the hear and now…..not the I can’t wait until when.

The above has been me for the last thirty-seven years of my existence.  I am always looking towards tomorrow and never do I appreciate today.  I look towards the future and neglect the hear and now.  I always live my life in a forward motion, but don’t appreciate things until they are over.  I recently celebrated my thirty seventh revolution around the sun. A good friend asked me what I wanted in this next year and what I hoped for.  I thought what do I want?!  I have no idea! What should I want? What should I plan for? What should I want to want? Do you see the commonality in those sentences? The word is “should.” My whole life has evolved around that very word…how should I look, what should I wear, how should I act, what should I say..etc..etc.etc. You get the point.  It might appear that the last thirty seven years have been a farce, because in reality I have been doing everything the world said I “should” do.

What if we took out the “shoulds.” This last year has by far been the hardest, most challenging and earth shattering year of my life.  I had to take out the future and only live in the here and now.  My world came crashing down and I couldn’t live in the when, but only the minute, the hour or the day( if was feeling really good).  My most cherished sister friend told me one day, what if you take out the “shoulds.” What if you live each day in the present and only do things that bring you joy.  What if you took a pause from the “have to” and only do what sparks love in your heart.  I was perplexed and aghast.

So what if we raised our children this way? What if we told them that we don’t always have to do what the world says we “should” do. What if we taught them to appreciate the here and now.  What if we taught them to do the things that spark joy in their hearts.  What if we taught them to think with their hearts more often then their heads.  Would the world fall apart? What would happen? Would society end as we know it? I don’t think so. I am a firm believer that we all have joy in our hearts.  That we all have an inherit passion to love, help, and show grace. It just gets lost in the “shoulds.” Because when you “should” do it, is so much different then when you want to do it.

How do you teach little ones? How do you pass this wisdom down to their little hearts? You already are.  They are watching you under the microscope of life, but unfortunately we are so busy with the “shoulds” that they can only see us using a telescope because we are so far away from the present.

This is my challenge to you.  Take the “shoulds” out for one day. Just one. And see how your life changes. How does your heart feel? Mother Theresea once said, “if you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” My theory is this: if you love your family by taking out the “shoulds” you will find the passion that lies within each one of them, the innate love that exists within and the joy that is bursting at the seems to get out.  I challenge you to PAUSE….look down and see all that God has created.  Stop living for future and appreciate today.  PAUSE…REFLECT…..AND BREATHE.

I would love to know if you decide to take this challenge on and how it changed you? Let go…Carpe Diem!

 

My New Year’s Resolution

 

A new year always brings about a sense of urgency and maybe even a sense of despair.  Why? I think in our heart of hearts that we look longingly of what could be and not what has been.  We wish for a future that is not what is happening in the present, but we often don’t change what we are doing in the here and now.  What is this gibberish I’m speaking?! Well….what have you done in the present, to actually make a change for the future? The future will not change itself.  A unicorn will not drop out of heaven farting rainbows and dropping pixie dust.  All kidding aside…what steps are you taking in order to ensure that you will not be the definition of insanity? (doing the same thing over and over again…expecting the same results).  What have you done to change the future to ensure that it is not the same as the past.  You don’t need a new year to do this! You just need the here and now! Take a stand! Say YES! Kick some ass and take NAMES! You don’t need a new number at the end of the year to be Fing AWESOME! You just need YOU!

So how do you start you might say? Well, what is the one thing that you do not what to do? The thing that just popped into your head after reading this…well that my friend is your first step.  That is the mountain under that carpet that you keep tripping over and reason that your future will stay the same as your past.  Have you ever seen a train back up or have you seen it switch tracks? It’s time to pull the lever and go a different direction. I am not saying that what you are doing right now isn’t working, but is it resulting in God’s best for you? Are you in the land of milk and honey that he has promised us? Are you reaping all that you can from what is, what was and what is meant to be? You will never know until you make a change and say YES LORD! I hear YOU! I hear YOU and I want YOUR best for me! Because His best is something that is unimaginable for our mind to decipher! It is that great! I never could have imagined the amazing husband that he had planned for me….not even if I squinted really hard and thought as hard as I could! My mind could not perceive it, because I did not think I could deserve such an amazing person or that this person even existed.  God blew my mind beyond my wildest dreams and he could do the same for you.  He keeps doing it! Over and over! He wants to please and support us. He wants to show us love, but often his love is not in the same direction that we are going.  He gave us free will, but often our will not his will and our will takes us down a rocky path that he didn’t have planned for us.  He doesn’t abandon us, but puts people in our path to break our fall and often guide us back on the path he created for us.

I’ve had two main “spirit guides” in my life that God has given me in my time of need.  One was a person that makes me cry when I think of her and all that she was and all that I miss. She was the epitome of freedom, love, adventure, kindness and truth. She spoke truth over my life and those that were blessed to be in her presence. She was one of God’s greatest gifts to me and a gift that he took away too soon (in my opinion).  She waited for me at the end of every finish line (physically and metaphorically) and I still look for her now and I can feel her presence in the depths of my soul.  I can feel the love she had for me and the love I had for her.  It has not left, but just morphed into the metaphysical.  God put her in my path in order to change my future! HE did this! HE made the here and now a possibility.  He took a lonely, lost, confused and battered sheep and placed it with a Shepard to steward it’s heart and comfort it’s soul.  HE provided a pasture that the sheep did not even now existed and a life that was beyond it’s imagination.

The second person he brought into my life is my “Pocahontas” my guide down the river of life.  The person who has guided me down rocky rivers and who has helped soothe the turmoil in my soul.  A person who speaks truth to what is and provides a catalyst to what could be. HE did this and continues to do this! He never stops interrupting the wind and often turns our boat in a different direction! BUT we often resist the wind and try to go in a different direction.  Instead of sailing with the wind, we go against it.  We try to go our own direction and we wonder why our boat will not sail quickly like the vessel it was meant to be.  Well…in order to sail like we were created to be, we must first set sail from the harbor, go with the wind and throw out the extra weight from our vessel.  We cannot reach our destiny, if we don’t empty our cargo hold.  We need to throw caution to the wind and pull up anchor.  Set sail for new adventures and ride the wind into the future! That is how we change the present! We go with the wind and not with ourselves.  We feel it’s breeze on our body and we accept what is and the direction that it is taking us.  Can you stop for a moment and rest? YES! God built us for rest, reflection and breath! However, the more detours you take will determine your ETA to your destination.

So what will it be? Stay in the present or set sail for the future? A future filled with sparkles and glitter or whatever makes you smile.  It’s time! You know it is! BUT it also means that you need to make a change. Grab a hand and your heart, because you will need a crew to sail your vessel.  Someone to spot the rocky shores, someone to look towards the horizon and someone to help empty the cargo hold.  We were not meant to do life on our own! That is lie! We were meant to do it with a crew! He has chosen our crew, but often we don’t want to accept who HE has chosen for US! I know I didn’t! I thought of every reason why I should say no! I thought of every reason why it wouldn’t work! I thought of every reason why we couldn’t be FRIENDS! I thought of every reason why I could not let them in! THE real truth is that I was protecting my heart and I did not want them to see the JUNK in my TRUNK! I had been sitting on my suitcase for too long and it was busting at the seams! Stuff needed to go because if not I could not continue on the adventure HE had planned for ME! Was it tough? Hell yes! Did it SUCK? Ummmm yea! It’s supposed to! Do you think a marathon is won by skipping and dancing along?! Maybe for some, but for most it is done with sweat, toil, tears and hard work! It’s time to get sweaty and maybe even throw up a little bit.  Because as a wise women once said, “it builds character.” SO go forth and build some CHARACTER this year and race across that finish line and hug the people he put in your life to cheer you on! They are not there by mistake, but were put there for a purpose.  Don’t neglect them or forsake them.  Give them a chance with your heart, you won’t regret it!

My resolution for this year? Love more, forgive often and throw grace out like confetti! Now go ahead and feel the wind….there is a storm coming and it’s time to set sail! For the seas of tomorrow will not change, but the seas of today will become tomorrow.  Don’t let another starlit night go by with your ship in the harbor.  It’s time to use your vessel for what it was created to be! AND that’s something Fing AMAZING!

The Darkness Gives Life and Growth

Do you every wonder what your identity is? Who are you? Whose are you and what are you meant to be? Are you meant to be silly? Joyful? Sad? A giver? A servant amongst the servants? Wealthy? What if I told you, you were meant to be all of those things!! But in order to reach them you had to truly become your one true self.  You would have to fully strip yourself of the person you thought you were supposed to be and become the person He meant for you to be.  You would have to be stripped fully naked and reborn.  Sounds awful right? It is…..but my friends it’s also all so beautiful.  There is beauty in the struggle, as well as there is strength.  In order to grow you have to be fully stripped of everything that is holding you back.  Bad habits, hatred, guilt, lies, darkness, and greed.  You have to strip yourself of the skin that you have been wearing since the day you were born and clean yourself of the social bullshit that has been clothing you all of these years.  You have been covered in lies…lies that tell you who you are supposed to be, instead of who you ought to be.  Lies that tell you, to look alike…instead of standing unique in your own divine purpose.  Lies that tell you that you are not beautiful, but the truth is that you were created to not only be beautiful, but to shine.  Lies that tell you that you are not good enough, but the truth is that you were destined for greatness! Lies that tell you that you could never climb that mountain, but the truth is that you were meant to sore…not walk!

So with that being said how does a caterpillar turn into a butterfly and how does a seed become a flower? They struggle..they stand towards the light and they push through.  Not because they were told that they have to, but because they know that they can.  They were created to do so and do so they do! They do not listen to the lies that are around them! They know they are beautifully and wonderfully made! They know they were created in His image and they know they were destined to do great things! Do you want to know a secret? So were you! You were created by a master craftsman and you were created to go out and conquer the world! However, you can’t conquer the world unless you conquer what is going on inside your own head! You have to stop the darkness from seeping in! From telling you lies that are not true! Are you perfect? Who is, but have you ever seen an ugly butterfly.  Butterflies were meant to struggle, break free and sore among the clouds.  And so were you! However, in order to do this you have to embrace the struggle  and embrace the SUCK! You have to realize that it is in our struggle that we find strength and life is all about the struggle.  For it is in our struggle that we find peace.  Peace?! Yes, peace….because after the struggle is over, we realize what we were meant to be and what we are still destined to become!

So pick up your shield! Pick up your sword! Tie on your belt and get ready for battle! You may get a few scars along the way, but those scars are the road map to your life.  They tell a story for all to see and they give you authority to tell your story to those who need to hear it.  They give hope to the hopeless and love to those who did not even know they needed it.  Get ready to sound your battle cry! Because it’s time to go to war! This war is not against flesh and blood, but against the lies and darkness in your own head! You thought you were fighting those around you, but in reality you are fighting yourself! You are fighting to break free of the lies that have held you down for so long! The lies that told you, you were not good enough! That you need to be a certain way in order to be happy! The lies that force you to act a certain way! ENOUGH! I say ENOUGH! It’s time to shine like the fucking unicorn you were meant to be! God does not create mistakes! He creates masterpieces! Sometimes we stray from the artwork we were meant to be and it’s time to be restored! Restored in His glory and through His glory!

Get ready for an amazing ride, because things could get ugly, but even a seed is cracked and dirty before it blooms.  Do you trust me? You should because this ride is going to be amazing! Hold on, grip your sword, put on your big girl panties, because it’s time to do some epic shit and nobody has time for a broken nail! Let’s do this and let’s do this right! Say it with me…I am good enough, I am pretty enough and I am one bad ass motherfucker! I bet you didn’t know that God liked to curse….he doesn’t out loud, but that’s what thunder and lightning were meant for.  To cleanse, to break the silence and to get the attention of those around you. To break the picturesque landscape with a death defying bolt of lightning.  Something capable of giving life and taking it away.  So that is God.  God gives and he takes away, but the shedding of life is in the eye of the beholder.  It could seem like God is being a strict Father, but in reality he is loving us in the way we were meant to be loved.  Faithfully, loyally and truthfully.  He’s restoring us to the being we were meant to be and turning us into the person we will now become.  Because life is not about being easy, it’s about the struggle and the strength we gain from climbing up that damn mountain.  God didn’t create mountains to drive through, he created them to be conquered and climbed up! So start walking and start thanking God for the struggle! For he is creating a person that will shine with the light of his glory and that will be a magnificent masterpiece that embodies the person he knew you could always be! Get off your ass and work, because there is no rest for the weary and there is no strength in the wake.  Hunger and struggle will make us the people we want to be and that realization will save humanity for the life sucking lies that go on daily around us and in us! So now what? I told you before! Stand up, pull your sword out of its sheath and get ready for battle! Because there is a war going on around you, but it’s not what you thought it would be! It resides inside of you and you are falling darkness to the lies.  Lies can kill you. Destroy you.  Incarcerate you.  Break free and fight! Flight with all of your might, because strength will be found in the struggle and the struggle with give you strength!

Ask God what you were meant to be! The answer might surprise you! For me, I am called to Love right now! How ironic! Because often I am caught up in the bullshit of my own one track and obsessed mind. He’s calling me to be present, to see, to embrace, to throw of my sack clothes and to look at those around me.  Not to turn inward and hide, but to share my struggle with the ones who need to hear it and to love them regardless.  He’s given an only child and self-centered person one task…and that is to become Love.  And you thought God didn’t have a sense of humor.  Go ahead…it’s your turn! What were you meant to become and it might just be for a moment, because in truth…life was meant to evolve and change with the seasons. Like leaves fall off of a tree (leaving it naked) and sprout again for another season. Grow with me! I’m giving you a challenge, not an order! Because growth is what life is all about! I have to go Love…because that is the moment I am in right now! Love myself, love others, love the moment and love this shell of a person that has been fighting herself her entire life.  Now that’s a challenge I am willing to take on! Who is with me!

Dream Chasing

Do you dream? What do you dream of? Is it a land far away or a place that is close to your heart.  Do you ever wonder what they mean? Are they a place where days crash together into one big dark mess or are they the pieces that lead to our future? To be honest, I have no idea.  I often wonder how thoughts come into our minds while we rest.  How everything seems so real, but yet so far from the present.  I often ask God to speak to me in my dreams, to show me things.  But then I get scared.  What if he shows me something that I don’t want to see! What if the truth is what I don’t want to hear! What if he wants me to do something that is beyond my comfort zone! Then I back away and think….I’m good, forget about that request.

I often dream that I am flying.  Soaring, diving and sweeping over the land.  Do you know in order to fly…that you have to fall.  Even birds know that you have to jump at some point because if not they would never leave the nest.  What nest are you living in? What leap do you need to take?

silhouette of person walking
Photo by Subham Dash on Pexels.com

I often wonder the same about myself.  What’s next? What do I need to do?  Often the thing I am most resistant to, is the thing that I need to do the most.

One of the things that I have been putting off lately is running.  I really want to do it, but I know it’s going to hurt.  I have been away from it for so long, that the thought of starting again makes me cringe. I use to be able to run miles with no problem, but now I have no idea how to even start.  My mind keeps reminding me of where I once was and it deters me because I am not at that place right now.  I am at the beginning.  The place where you have to push through the pain, in order to get the reward.  My least favorite place.  The place that requires energy in order to overcome your thoughts and force your body to move.  Everyday I say that I will do it tomorrow, but tomorrow hasn’t come yet.  To be honest, I’m a little prideful.  I don’t want anyone to see me running so slow…stopping…catching my breath.  I am embarrassed.  I need to jump! I might fall, but  if I don’t…I will never get the feeling of flying.

What have you been putting off? What do you need to overcome? Some  how tomorrow needs to become today! But how? That’s something I am still working on myself! I suggest you put it out there to the universe, because once it’s out it cannot come back and it makes you accountable to your words.  So I am going to run before the weeks over! You heard it! Not it’s your turn! Put it out there and give it an end date! We got this! I know it sounds simple, but how many things are you waiting to still start! Tomorrow isn’t promised, so don’t let your days run out!

Freedom comes in submission

When I was younger I did whatever I could to please people.  I always tried to be the best and act the best.  I never shared what was going on inside my head or identified what feelings were going on inside my body.  I just existed.  Don’t get me wrong I felt emotions.  Sadness, frustration, anger and loneliness….I felt them all.  I felt them sometimes until them consumed me.  I felt them as they almost submerged me into asphyxiation.  The world around me was never the wiser.  They had no idea what was happening in that head of mine and sometimes I didn’t want to be there either.

Fast forward to now.  Fast forward to the present.  Fast forward to my journey to freedom.  As I went along on this journey I sought help.  I had to.  I had no choice.  The emotions that I ignored for the past 36 years had come back to haunt me.  They had never gone away. They were just buried down deep for a long winters rest.  Waiting for the day to sprout.  Waiting for the day to be recognized.  Waiting for the day to be identified.  Waiting for the day to be validated.  They had piled up on top of each other, until my heart was busting at the seams and no more emotions could fit.

As I sought help, I heard the same thing over and over again.  I have what they call a “flat affect.”  Every professional that I met had the same conclusion.  That my exterior did not reflect what was happening on the inside.  My outside stood firm.  It had to.  It didn’t know what else to do.  It had been doing it for so long.  I didn’t even know what emotions were happening inside of me because now they were all a jumbled mess.  My anxiety was the pure creation (a cyclone if you will) of many years worth of unvalidated emotions.  My anxiety has always served a purpose, but this time it was screaming for help.  This was going to take more then a band-aide to fix.  This was going to take some deep down messy and soul cleaning work.

My body shut down.  I went into a “season of rest.” Me! The person who goes one million miles a minute.  The person who plans out the entire day! The person who plans out how each scenario should work.  The person who likes to control everything! I was forced to “pause.” I was forced to hit the reset button.  I couldn’t plan.  I couldn’t even think past what was happening in the moment.  I had to stop.  I had to do what I had been ignoring all of these years.  I had to validate all of the emotions that had gone unvalidated.  ALL OF THEM! I had to make a timeline of all the important events in my life and go through EVERY emotion! It didn’t take hours….it didn’t take days…it didn’t even take months.  I’m still layering it off piece by piece.   And as I do my burden becomes less.  It’s one less stone that is weighing me down.  As I identify it, it becomes a star that helps me navigate the night’s sky.

When I submitted to this “season of rest,” I did so with resistance.  I did so kicking and screaming. It was when I truly paused and fully submitted that I understood why I had come  here.  I had to come to the end of myself, to truly find myself.  I had to be exhausted, beat down, worn out and bedraggled.  I had to want something more.  I had to want to change.   I had to realize who I was and Whose I was.  My old self had to die.  It had to die, in order for my “true self” to be resurrected. The self that God always wanted me to be and the one that the ones that I hold dear, always new I could be.

God promised me, that this journey would not be in vain.  That it would give freedom to not only myself, but to my family.   It would unlock the shackles that had been set there hundreds of years ago.  It would blow the trumpet of war and a battle would wage on to save those who come before me and after me.  It would be a song of freedom and redemption.   I had been redeemed! I had been redeemed because I CHOSE to be! I CHOSE to submit to the PAUSE! I CHOSE to not fight it! I CHOSE to embrace it! I CHOSE to rejoice in it! I made a choice.   What choice will you make? Will you fight against it, until you can fight no more.  Or will you submit? Society has taught us that submitting is weak, but my friends that is LIE! A lie out of the serpents mouth! Submitting is not weak! It leads to freedom! It leads to a life that is free of control! A life where light dances off the walls and shines glimmers of hope into the brokenness of the world.  What do you need to submit before the throne? My friend I know it won’t be easy, but it would not be an adventure if it was!