The Spirit of Suicide

What do you do when anxiety strikes? That deep pit in your stomach that lies to you and tells you everything is going to go WRONG. That you are defeated and IT has won. As it’s whispers get louder and it’s lies get colder. How do you react? What do you do? Do you hide? Do you medicate? Do you over shop? Or Do you just BE. Be with Him in the quiet wake. Be with Him in the dead of the night. Just BE.

If you had told me a year ago that I would still be fighting, still be twirling and still be powerless at times…I would have never made it. I couldn’t have. I couldn’t comprehend that far. Never in my life could I understand why someone would take their own life, but I would be lying if I told you that in my darkest moments that I didn’t. I could be embarrassed and choose to hide or hold my head up high and say I have lived to see another day. I WON! WE won! This was not a standalone effort. This was an all out war. I had to pull my head out of my ass and let go of my pride. I HAD to rely on others. I HAD to not lie anymore. I HAD to share my burden because I couldn’t carry it alone. I HAD to say I can’t do this on my own.

What will you do? Who will you choose to be? And whose will you be? You can’t do this on your own and you weren’t meant to stand alone. You were meant to have roots, that withstand the strongest storm. You were meant to do this in community. Don’t be selfish! That’s right I said it! Don’t be selfish to think that this is your burden and yours alone. It wasn’t meant to be. That’s when the spirit of suicide sneaks in and makes a home with you, in your pit of despair. He finds a foothold, but you don’t have to let him climb. Throw pebbles at his feet and slow his movement. He does not have the courage or resilience that resides inside YOU! For he works alone and YOU work in community.

Share your story, share your heart and never be embarrassed of your journey. For it is yours alone, but meant to change the world around you. ❤️

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