In my darkest days I was paralyzed and unable to think and move. My anxiety crippled me into a swollen heap. I could not care for myself nor my children. I had to rely on those around me and especially my mother. I do not like to rely on anyone, but myself. I do not like to appear weak, but I had no choice. God had humbled me, as I laid motionless. I cried on her shoulder, I shared my fears and I let her see every inch of my soul. What was covered all those year was released and forgiveness took root. I may not understand everything, but I can CHOOSE to forgive. FORGIVENESS is yours to give, but not yours to take. It is the key that unlocks the hardness of your heart and in turn brings new life to your body and soul. Who do you need to forgive? Write a list…I did! You might have to forgive yourself or ask God for forgiveness for what what you did to others. Forgiveness is amazing! Let go and Let God!
I heard God tell me that he was fighting this battle right beside me. I have never left. Come huddle behind me and I will protect you. He told me that I needed to heal my relationship with my mother, in order to have one with my daughter. I needed to know what a true mother daughter relationship looked like and could be like. My heart was hard and it was made soft. He told me that my daughter would test me, but that I would choose love.
I Prayed: Lord I am so exhausted. Physically and mentally. How do I rest? Please give me peace tonight and rest. Let me awake anew and ready to start a new day. I feel like I’m suffocating, please protect me from my enemies. Cover me with your feathers and protect me from the enemies arrows. Be my father protector. Amen.